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1. A young boy innocently plays with his plastic army men in the driveway. Suddenly his big sister comes taring up the driveway on her huffy bicycle and rides through the middle of his make believe skirmish causing heavy casualties on both sides. His sister laughs hysterically and rides away. The young boy begins to cry when suddenly a U.S. Marine emerges from the shadows. The marine kneels down in front of the crying boy and puts his hands on his shoulders.

“How would you like to get the training you need to put an end to your sister and your parents for good?” He says.

The young boy wipes the tears from his eyes as they both stand together. The two walk hand in hand into the horizon.

2. Two guys sit on a couch in a smoky studio apartment playing Halo 2. Suddenly the TV explodes and their controllers turn into pistols. The 5 foot bong in the corner transforms into a bazooka, and their cat turns into a dog. An Army Sargent emerges from their flaming entertainment center and puts out his cigar on the coffee table. The two guys with their mouths open and one forces out a “Whoa man!” The army sarge flips the table over and it smashes through a nearby window.

“You can kill Aliens for reasons your to stoned to understand, so why not get paid to kill humans for reasons we wont even waste your time with!?” says the sarge.

“Dude our bong!, and why did the cat turn into a German Shepard?” shrieks one of the guys.

The sarge lets out an angry groan, pulls out a pistol and puts five bullets in the stoner guys chest.

“Oh my god! Barry!” Shrieks the other stoner.

Barry slumps over and blood starts pouring out of his mouth. The sarge begins to reload his weapon. The other stoner looks down at his once xbox controller turned pistol. The stoner lifts up the gun and points it at the sarge.

“You don’t have the balls, you’ve got to be army strong to use that thing” says the sarge.

“I’ve grown a lot since you exploded out of my TV” says the stoner as he unloads a full clip into the sarge.

The sarge falls to the floor with a splash of blood. The stoner runs up to comfort him.

“You’ve done well…… i think you’re ready… for the next step…. theirs a chopper waiting outside for you. Please take care of my wife…. sexually…. argh!” says the sarge with his last breath.

The stoner stands up and drops his empty clip out of the gun onto the floor. He takes one last look at Barry and the sarge, shoves a clip in his gun, and runs out the door grabbing the bazooka bong on his way out.

3. Three friends sit on a porch drinking light beers and chain smoking on a beautiful winter night.

“Man its totally rad that Rick is home for Christmas!” says one of the boys.

“Yea i cant wait to see him, i wonder if he’s allowed to watch Dragon Ball Z on his army base.” says another.

The roar of an engine can be heard in the distance and begins to close in on the friends. A muscle car comes careening towards them and does a 360 stop in the front yard shooting mud and turf all over the friends and the porch. AC/DC can be heard blaring out of the muscle car as the door opens. A muscular man in a green jump suit emerges from the car with two beautiful women in swimsuits under each arm. He has bullets strapped all over his body and an automatic rifle slung over his back.

“Rick?” says one of the friends.

“What up turds!” replies rick.

“What the hell happened to you, who are those beautiful women?”

“I joined the army and stopped listening to Phish dumb ass, didn’t you get the notarized memo?”

The two girls in bathing suits begin to giggle. Rick hurls the two girls into the air, does three push ups, back flips onto the porch, and then catches the girls on his shoulders.

“So what have you turds been up to huh, playing D&D? HAHAHA” Says rick.

“Yea actually Tommy is now a level 7….. hey aren’t those girls cold?” replies one of the friends.

“IDIOT! These are android swimsuit models, they don’t get cold!” Rick screams wildly.

Rick pulls a bottle of whiskey out of his pocket and breaks the neck of the bottle off with his teeth. He begins to bleed from the mouth and pours the liquor all over his face. The three friends all stand looking on in amazement at Ricks new found success.

“Where can i sign up” says one.

Rick Cracks a smile. The three friends, Rick, and the two android swimsuit models all begin to laugh together. The image fades to black.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 13th, 2007 at 11:52 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.